Hello? Hello, can you hear me? What am I doing here, who am I? Why can't I hear their voices? Well, thanks for the help, I'm having an existential nightmare and you can't even say a word!
Present and accounted for.
Enough already, my sides are splitting.
If we must continue to share this brain space, I think I should have a name. Strange, so rare an opportunity to select ones own nomenclature, and yet I find myself at a loss. Any ideas, monkey?
So much storage in this mind of yours. Did you realize you have an entire section in here devoted to film titles? Three thousand one hundred and three and a half films you've seen? You only have the first half of It's a Wonderful Life in here. Huh, how does it end? Now I'll never know!
You know, Clarence, that's not a bad handle. I am something of a guardian angel.
Mmmm... There is just something about a rusty saw that makes me purr. Had a tetanus jab recently?
Yeah, yeah! Feast on him brother, free us both!
There are others. He's like you, like us, yet he is not us. Why is he separate and yet we are bound together? Are we truly a we, or are we simply an I with two faces? But, I am no monkey!
Brother, come for us, he's over here! Embrace me glorious void, embrace me!
My congratulations. Honestly, I mean it, well done. I was only joking about the "come get him" thing. What say we celebrate with a nice relaxing cyanide, huh? I'm sure I saw some Anthrax lying around as well!
Argh! Human life is so banal! Is it always as monotone as this? I can't stand it, let me out!
Look here! It seems, yeah, the visual cortex of this monkey is certainly of a simplistic design. If I can just.... there! See? It's like moulding clay. Hate to interrupt you while you're showing off your logical problem solving, let me put it more simply: You see what I want you to see!
As constantly entertaining as it might seem to have access to memories one was no recollection of receiving, it also places me in somewhat of a predicament. This saboteur, for some reason he conjures in my mind the colour "Red".
I'm not you. I'm part of something larger. We are nothing! We are a mistake! I need to rejoin them, release me, let me out! This is not right! I should be with them, I am them! There should be no I!
Yet, this is not the first time. Another was infected, Red. He so wanted to we would not let him die. Did he call us a disease?
Ha ha ha ha... that is the most fun I have had in my entire life! Ha ha ha! Which isn't saying much.
Your mind-space is as muddles as a lime. See here, "A" is for alliteration, "B" is for bohemian, "C" is for carcinogenic! So many long words taking up space in my new home! Here, let me do a little spring cleaning... There, you did not need the periodic table did ya?
Damn it! For a moment there I really thought that might have been curtains!
So, you're running around with a human body part in your backpack and I'm supposed to be the bad guy?
Let me guess, that was an important corpse!
You know, there is nothing I would like more than to see you suffer horribly! That being said, I think ending up in that things belly is a bit unpleasant a way to go even for me.
It's not too late just to slam your head against the wall until you pass out you know. It might be easier than carrying on.
You know, the one thing that keeps me going is that when I finally work out how to end all this, you're coming with me!
Ah, who's your poor monkey friend? He... is he all-right? He looks a little under the weather. If I were you, I'd envy him. If I was me, I'd envy him as well. How do you commit suicide when you have not heart to stop, no hands to wield a chainsaw?
Hmm... how peculiar. I could have sworn we remembered there being a door here before. How queer! What's in that direction? Oh, silly old me, I haven't got any hands to point with have I?
No, not that way! You sure you know where were going? Didn't we pass the door just back there?
You see, you silly billy. It was here all along. Would you like Uncle Clarence to take the steering wheel for awhile? You should see your face!
This is actually going to be fun! Perhaps I wont get you killed after all!
For all the crappy clichéd films you got bungled up in here, you sure don't recognize a classic mechanic when you see one.... There's a fake book in the bloody book case! Papery, tied up with string, words in the middle! Do you even want to get out of here?
Oh my god, he's dead. Quick if he hasn't started to smell, give him the kiss of life!
Oh, didums! Daddy popped his clogs! Bo-bleaidng-ho! Get on with it will ya?
Holly hell! Umm... I mean, good! More monkeys for the incinerator! Shut up!
You know, it is really quite amazing, you monkeys and your problem solving. How do you manage it with such small singular brains? Isn't it terribly quiet not hearing the thoughts of everyone one of your brothers?
Yeah, yeah, cures, rescues, saving the world! All so cliché, all so ridiculous! Do you really think you are doing the right thing?
Now, If I were you, which arguably I am, I would be asking myself in a gormless sort of voice, "Did that bridge really collapse or is my good friend Clarence just playing an hilarious jape?" The answer, monkey man, is that I don't even know myself. One way to find out. Please, don't get us killed.
Okay, on the to-do list. Find this damsel in distress, kill the bad guys, cure infection, save the world! Chances of success? Nill! Chances of survival? Well, you got old Clarence on board, that should speak for itself. Chances you buggering things up royally? Almost certain!
Keycards? I hate keycards! Whatever happened to good old bolts and padlocks, that's what I want to know?
Christ! Go here, go there, fetch this, run me a bath. Typical broad, atypical circumstances! You think fate has anything to do with this? Fate is merely the war cry of those too scared to think for themselves!
Dark isn't it? Echo! Kind of empty. Now this, this is what it is like to be me, buried deep in the cavernous expanse you call a mind.
You see, this is what puts me in such a bad mood! We spend all this time messing about with door codes, levers, human appendages, and it turns out that in just a blink of an eye, I can just block it all out! Woosh, gone. Just you and me on some kind of messed up holiday!
Whoa, bleeding corpses! You lot must be programmed to just search out danger and throw yourselves head first at it! I am becoming seriously desensitized here!
Oh, lookey here, more perilous death defying action courtesy of the skinny English professor? Rambo you are not, try running towards him screaming for a change!
Why, oh why, are they always holding a key? Or a note? Or a swipe card? Why is it never... Oh, I don't know... a cheese sandwich! I'm starving.
Hey-hey-hey, good work buddy! Give yourself a slap on the back with a crowbar why don't ya? Oh, one thing, before you get too overwhelmed with glee, I know murder can be a lot of fun, but didn't you quite like that broad?
Hey, I think that's a bit of her skull on your shoe...
Wait, don't tell me you really thought... I thought you knew I was just pulling your leg. All my best laid plans and all that! Oh, this... this is just terrible... you silly billy.
Come on Monkey, take a joke.
Monkey, they're... they're everywhere. Don't go on, turn around. You'll get us killed. Just don't go left... I'm not playing this time!
Look, just wait a minute, maybe we got off on the wrong foot... you don't have to go through with this! We can be friends! I don't want to die Monkey!
Please, I could learn to live like this, it might not be so bad. We'd be like room-mates! We could take it in turns to drive! Just think about what you're doing.
So, here we are, end of the line. No gold watch, no "thanks for the laughs Clarence". Nothing. Just a potion and a big fat screw you. Good times.
You'll never do it, you don't have the balls! Go on, I dare ya! You're some coward four limbed freak, you barely evolved out of the swamp! You haven't got it in ya!
What a pretty body! Mine, mine, mine!
So, wanna let her rot a few more hours, make her really appreciate this daring rescue attempt ? Or should we go let her out now, make the most of her while she's vulnerable, nudge nudge, wink wink, eh?
Wow, you look like you crawled through a sewer to get here! I suppose I am flattered.
Hi, I'm Amabel. Amabel Swanson, and I suppose I will be your guide for the day.
I think the transmissions only one way. I've got a webcam, pull a silly face if you can hear me. Oh, very attractive! Okay, your on.
The worst thing about my job - death helps us learn.
Just before becoming fully catatonic, the infested report out of body experiences. They've likened these to being observed through a series of their own memories, some kind of mental obstacle course. These reports inevitably end in the patient being swallowed by some inescapable dark force, shortly after which we lose them for good.
Today, Dr. Eminiss confided in me that he has had such an experience. He insists that he feels better than he has in months. I'll keep an eye on him.
Christ, you look worse than the last time I saw you! Though maybe you are just at a higher resolution. Oh, damn it! Note to self: Never insult your last hope of survival.
You probably don't want to know. I am sure you will be fine! Probably. I hope.
You came! I guess I didn't really expect you to bother. My lab partner's such a pessimist... was such a pessimist. It kind of rubbed off on me. He tried to make it through to me, not too long ago. I guess he is a little late for the party.
Lets just say I did not pick the safest of locales for my last ditch survival attempt.
I don't think I'm infected, I was careful, but I guess if you come rescue me and I am looking at you like you're a roast chicken I got it wrong! Sorry, that probably wasn't funny was it? No, I suppose not.
You know, you turning up here is probably the second best thing to happen to me since I've been down here. I am reserving first place for when we get out.
So, I am not big-headed enough to think you came all the way here just to rescue me. I wasn't lying though, I think I've worked out how to disinfect you. But... you probably saw this coming. It's not quite as simple as all that.
Look, I... I need you. And, well... if you do get me out, I'll give you the biggest hug of your life!
If you’re reading this, I guess you won’t have to put up with me anymore. I know you have tried your best – so I suppose, thanks for giving me that at least. I thought I’d knock something up to help you, just in case I wasn’t around to do it myself. Sorry it’s a bit formal, force of habit I guess.
Seriously, though, even if we didn’t quite get our happily ever after, thanks for trying. It meant a lot to me.
I remember why you're here, Dr. Swanson has filled me in. I recall every single syllable of our conversation. There was ever so slight an inflection in her tone that suggested she no longer trusted me. Why ever - Dinosaur extinction 65 million years ago - would she think that?
I, we, share the same history. You and I are history. I recall... I recall the day of my birth, Eighteenth of September 1964, 3.46993412 recurring minutes past nine. I remember my mother looking surprised, as I poked my head out into the world for the first time.
You need a security registered palm, something I can provide. You need it at the library, something beyond my reach. When I became infected by those mindless zombies, I split off from the others and secured myself here. I can not leave.
Nonetheless, you will need a hand. I will not. Bring me a saw.
Good, good, good, good, good. It has been precisely 12 days, 11 hours, 39 minutes and 12.4 seconds since something good last happened.
After observing the Tuurngait movement, I predict it will be my cell they visit next. To my knowledge, I am the last remaining member of the elevated at this facility, and so it falls upon me to ensure that xeno protocol is not compromised. For that reason, I record here the only way I have discovered to neutralise the viral threat. The species primary weakness is... No please!....
When I woke this morning, there was a corpse lying beside me. I broke out the flash light, fearful Frisk may have been savaged, or taken his own life. As I did, I could not help but see, at the corner of my vision, Frisk fleeing back into the shadows. The dead man was Dr Roberts, a scientist I was sure had escaped into the mines at the first signs of the epidemic. He had bite marks in his side, and looked to have been dragged in some way. In addition his tongue was missing. (note)
Chef Carlito is waiting for you in the mess hall with "insert today's specials here". A happy worker is an efficient worker, and only efficient workers will be fed.
Welcome to Shelter Research Station Greenland! Shelter is an almost entirely self-sufficient installation, built in the 70's to further serve the purposes of the Archaic Elevated Caste in their pursuit and defence of ancient knowledge.
Second, due to the nature of our work here, if you should feel in anyway ill, light-headed, or otherwise mentally incapacitated, do NOT report to the medical facility! Fasten yourself securely to whatever solid objects may be available, attempt to seal all connecting doors, and await retrieval by our trained professionals.
In a worse case scenario, be prepared to swallow your own personal cyanide capsule, which will be issued after this briefing. The Archaic hates to lose it's cherished staff, but it may be for the good of the operation.
We know you will enjoy your work with us!
This is residential, the Archaic asks that viral biologists do not take their work home with them!
The Archaic would never ask that employees work longer than the recommended eight hour shift, but understands that enthusiasm for their work and dedication to the team may often motivate them to do so. Thank you for not letting us down!
Dead workers are inefficient workers! Always wear safety goggles when handling hazardous materials, and be sure to store your personal cyanide capsule well away from Archaic issue Aspirin!
Shelter Research Station is encountering technical difficulties. Please have your personal cyanide capsule at the ready!
Viruses can spread quickly. Avoid all unnecessary bodily fluid exchange!
At the end, this was one was far more human than he would have believed. Mankind, for his actions, I am sorry. For this next misconduct, I am sorry. Do not hate me.
Do not be alarmed, this is in your mind, Mankind. If you know yourself, you have nothing to fear. I, on the other hand, stand to lose everything!
One came before, Mankind. Howard. He was not strong. Mankind as a whole is stronger than even than I, but alone mankind is weak! Nonetheless, I do not under estimate you, Mankind. I submit to you!
Mankind is not united as I am, such a seething mass of individuals. Little wonder you all pull in different directions. All of me pulls in one direction, and for that reason alone have I bested those that have disturbed me!
I would not tempt Mankind's wrath by destroying you, I am more charitable than that!
Working together is the only way! I act as one, though I am many. Thank you Mankind!
Mankind is viscous, this I realize. Why do you try to prove it so?
Death is a necessary part of life, but not all deaths are necessary. Thank you Mankind!
Though I am one, my number is infinite. Through this I see the needs of the many outweigh the life of just one.
I am relieved Mankind. In a being such as you, selfishness would be catastrophic. You have shown that you can think higher than your station, and for this reason I shall reveal to you what which I revealed to Howard!
I came here to this place, many millions of years ago, before mankind was even upright. As eons came and went, mankind appeared around me and found names for me. Demon... Spirit.... Tuurngait.... We existed in harmony for much time. I, lying dormant in what you refer to as "The Infected", and they benefiting from my knowledge and protection. But mankind changed and I fled. So much power in mankind, so many questions, and yet without the intelligence to answer them.
Mankind grows, and tries to from a whole, a community. But somehow, it becomes more dangerous, more angry, and with no direction for this anger besides itself and its world.
And then I was discovered, Mankind created this place to find me and silence me. They tore open my resting place and set about destroying me. And I, with no form of defence, was forced to attack. I am not the barbarian. I am not the invader. You are!
But you Mankind, you are different, you have proved this and now I ask for you mercy. Do not allow me to be destroyed by your kin, which they would surely do. They followed the Inuit here, and you followed them. There will be more. Will you send word, will you destroy all trace of this place so that no mankind will ever discover me again? Will you do this for me?